Day Forty-One: People Will Talk

PEOPLE WILL TALK

Starring:
-Cary Grant
-Jeanne Crane

Directed by: Joseph L. Mankiewicz

Screenplay Credits: Joseph L. Mankiewicz

MPAA Rating: Unrated


Dr. Noah Praetorius teaches at a medical college and is a patient favorite at his private clinic. Dr. P is known for treating his patients like people, instead of “sick people.” He’s got a couple of big fish on his plate, as he’s being charged with professional misconduct by his suspicious colleague Dr. Elwell, and he’s playing house with a knocked up single gal named Deborah whose papa won’t preach but she’s keeping her baby.

“Professor Elwell, you are the only man I know who can say 'malignant' the way other people say 'Bingo!'.” – Dr. P

There’s also a creepy, almost mute guy named Shunderson who looks like Jimmy Durante except way taller. Anyway, Noah marries Deborah because she keeps trying to kill herself. He claims he’s in love with her, and I guess he is, but he probably just wants to keep her from shooting herself.

There’s a great scene after they’ve married where Dr. P is celebrating his birthday with an enormous train set that spans the entire second story floor.

In the end, Dr. P tells his side of the story to the Medical College Board, they side with him, and Dr. Elwell runs off in a huff.

“Professor Elwell, you're a little man. It's not that you're short. You're...little, in the mind and in the heart. Tonight, you tried to make a man little whose boots you couldn't touch if you stood on tiptoe on top of the highest mountain in the world. And as it turned out...you're even littler than you were before.” -Shunderson

The lesson I take away from this movie is this: Since I am a young college student, if I allow a handsome, ill-fated soldier to impregnate me, Cary Grant will become my husband. This sounds like a win-win for everybody except the soldier. At least he would be guaranteed a good time before checking out. Oh, I am so bad.

Anyway, this is a great (albeit totally unrealistic) movie. Every time I watch it I fantasize about punching Jeanne Crane in the face and running off to play doctor (or at the very least, trains) with Cary Grant. Sadly, my unrequited love affair with Cary will remain exactly that, unless he magically appears in my bedroom tonight as an Incubus spirit. Hey, now! There’s a thought!

FINAL GRADE: A

Off in search of an EMF detector,

M.