Day Four: Scared Stiff & Same Time Next Year

SCARED STIFF (aka TREASURE OF FEAR)

Starring:
-Jack Haley
-Ann Savage

Directed by: Frank McDonald

Screenplay Credits: Geoffrey Homes & Maxwell Shane

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

This 1945 black and white comedy opens with a group of men (including the soft-spoken Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz) hovered around a game board at the state chess championship. Larry is the bubbling chess editor for his uncle’s newspaper that was sent to cover the tournament. The boss calls and orders Larry back to the office for a special assignment. A notorious thief and killer and escaped from prison and every other available staff member is out searching for him. With the rest of his employees on the killer’s trail, the boss wants Larry to travel to the Grape City Winery (the paper’s biggest advertiser) and cover the annual Grape City Harvest Festival. Larry has to cover the festival and be back at the office by six o’clock, or else he’ll be fired.

Larry assures his Uncle Joshua that he won’t fail and hurries away. At the bus station, Larry becomes flustered after chatting with Sally Warren, a beautiful antique dealer for whom he carries a torch, and accidentally purchases a ticket to Grape Center instead of Grape City. He boards the bus and fiddles with a chessboard. Sally asks him how he’s able to play chess with himself, and he tells her that he’s playing with an Eskimo friend by mail. Once he mails a move to his friend, the friend mails one back. Larry tries to show the woman the next move he’s going to make, but the man in the seat beside him is fast asleep and keeps flopping his arm over onto the board. The bus drives through a tunnel and the man grunts suddenly. When the bus emerges, the man is flopped over onto Larry and the audience sees the knife plunged in his side.

The bus then arrives at the Grape Center Winery. The passengers exit the bus, collect their luggage, and enter the hotel. Larry asks to see the owner, who is trying to force a toy ship into a bottle and seems most enthusiastic to have him.

“Why this is the greatest chess expert in the state! I might say the country! I will say the country! The country! Sit down!” – Preston Walbeck

As the bus starts on its return trip to the station, the dead man falls out in the floor. The bus driver quickly turns around and heads back for Grape Center.

We then learn that the Grape Center Inn and Winery is owned by twin brothers, Preston and Charles Walbeck. Although elderly, the two are intensely competitive with each other and behave rather childishly. Larry finds out that he’s come to the wrong town and heads to the front desk to call for a ride. Here learns that someone’s been tampering with the phones. The whole switchboard is dead, just like the poor schmuck in the bus. Larry discovers that he is the primary suspect. While everyone waits for the Sheriff to arrive to sort this matter out, the guests are asked to retire to their rooms and stay put. The corpse goes missing for a while, but turns up minus its head.

Larry is terrified of losing his job and is desperate to get to Grape City. He tries unsuccessfully to sneak away, a move that only makes him seem guiltier. Through his interactions with the other guests – a femme fatale, an obnoxious boy genius, and the mysterious Professor just to name a few, Larry learns that a valuable, bejeweled chess set has been hidden on the grounds. It is rumored to be the very set that Kublai Kahn gave Marco Polo. The set is centuries old and people have killed for it.

Sally acquires the white pieces from one of the Walbeck brothers, but the black pieces remain with the brother who refuses to sell. It is up to Larry to beat him in a game of chess in order to win the pieces. Larry wins the chess game and creeps around in the dark with the losing Walbeck. Charles shows him his secret vault where the black chessmen are hidden. A thief steals the combination and absconds with the chessmen. The thief then whacks Charles and Larry on the head and runs off.

The Sheriff arrives looking for escaped killer Deacon Markham. Markham, we learn, was the previous owner of the chess set and has come to Grape Center to reclaim it. Markham will stop at nothing to reclaim his set.

“The killer! He’ll kill us, Charles and me. Not that I mind about Charles.” – Preston

There’s some business with a toupee, a revolving door, hidden passages, and wine vats. Everyone discovers that the professor was the killer. The professor, Markham, and Markham’s henchmen fall into the wine vats and get really drunk. The obnoxious kid gets spanked hard with a hairbrush. The femme fatale winds up with the chess set, for which there was a thousand dollar reward. Sally Warren will receive the reward for finding it, and Larry gets to call his boss and tell him he caught the murderers.

This movie wants to be funnier than it actually is. It isn’t particularly memorable, which is sad, as there was lots of potential here. This one should be revisited by some talented writers. It could be extended into more of an ensemble piece, and really get some good laughs.

As it is, I give it a C, although I did chuckle out loud a few times.


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SAME TIME, NEXT YEAR

Starring:
-Alan Alda
-Ellen Burstyn

Directed by: Robert Mulligan

Screenplay Credits: Bernard Slade

MPAA Rating: PG - although a few f-bombs are dropped

Burstyn plays Doris, a young housewife from Oakland who has come to a rural California Inn. She chooses a table and starts to chow down, blushing attractively and smiling when she spots handsome young Alan Alda (George), also eating alone across the dining room. Alan makes his big move as the theme song swells. He brings his coffee over to Ellen’s table. They wind up at the bar, then alone in front of the fire. A carefully crafted shot shows both of their wedding rings glistening happily on their left hands.

The year is 1951. George wakes up naked next to Doris and inches into his boxers. He creeps out of bed and starts hurrying around, silently dressing. Ellen wakes up and catches him in the act. They calmly discuss what they’ve done, and the conversation is pretty adorable.

I recently watched the new Sesame Street DVD that came out and was delighted to rediscover the song “If I Knew You Were Coming, I’d Have Baked A Cake.” I haven’t heard that song (much less anyone mention it) in years, so imagine my surprise when George tells Doris that’s “their song,” because it was playing on the radio while they were together. I laughed and laughed at my own private joke.

“We’re in big trouble, Doris. I really think I’ve fallen in love with you.” – George

Doris: Are you Jewish?
George: No.
Doris: Well then how come you feel so guilty?

“We have rules about everything. That’s what’s so great about being Catholic. You always know where you stand.”

George tells Doris that he comes to the same inn the same weekend every year to do a special client’s books.

A photomontage shows the passing of five years. Doris and George are back in their special room to celebrate their fifth anniversary. They have continued the tradition of telling one good story, and one bad about their spouses.

“Doris, we’re cheating. Once a year we lie to our families and sneak off to a hotel in California and COMMIT ADULTERY! …not that I want to stop doing it.” – George

George gets a phone call from his little girl. She’s just lost a tooth and misplaced it somewhere. Now she’s nervous that the tooth fairy won’t be able to find it. George feels guilty and asks Doris to drive him to the airport. She’s pissed, but she does it anyway. At the last minute, he refuses to get on the plane, apologizes to Doris, and they return to the hotel to continue their weekend.

Cue another photomontage. When we return to the inn, it is 1961. George’s wife has phoned him long distance to complain about his impotence. Doris shows up very, very pregnant. George is visibly flustered. Throughout the day they warm up to each other again and George gets a little hot and bothered. They start getting frisky, and Doris goes into labor.

“Doris, I’m not a cab driver! I don’t know how to deliver babies.” – George

The lovers return in 1966, but this time Doris is a hippie.

“When did you start dressing like an Indian?” – George

Doris tells George she’s gone back to school. She’s attending Berkeley, and she’s hardcore hippie dippy for real, complete with headband and anti-war demonstrations. The discussion is a political one. The fight, and George reveals that Michael was killed in the war. Alan Alda cries and you just want to hug him.

George and Doris are back in 1972. George has a mustache and Doris is a grandmother. George is the loose one now and Doris is into catering. Doris steps out for a few moments. The phone rings. George answers. The caller is Doris’ husband Henry. George tells him how much Doris loves him in an attempt to bring them together.

1977 sees Doris and George arm and arm and looking older. George is a teacher at UCLA. Doris has sold her business to a chain. George confesses that his wife found out about their affair ten years ago. He then reveals that his wife passed away six months prior. Then he proposes. Doris tells him she can’t marry him because of Henry. She doesn’t want to leave her comfortable life with her husband. George tells her he has to have a wife, and that if Doris won’t marry him he’ll probably wind up with his wife’s friend Connie, who would never allow their affair to continue. Doris still refuses him, so George leaves. Doris wanders around their apartment and collapses tearfully on the bed they’ve fornicated in for 26 years. Suddenly, George bursts back into the room with his suitcase and says….

Sorry, folks. Not going to ruin this one for you.

This is a seriously funny movie. You can tell it was originally a play, but it works extremely well as a film. There are so many wonderful lines in this movie; there is no way I could copy every one of them down without providing a transcript. The photomontage element is a wonderful walk through history with shots of political figures, music icons, and film stars. It’s neat to see the clothes and hairstyles change on the actors, and the furniture change in the room. Appropriately, the tone becomes more serious as the film wears on and our two main characters age, but it ends very happily.

This one gets an A. It’s a sweet romantic comedy with an amazing ending that you really need to see for yourself.

Off in search of popcorn,

M. Hollywood