Day Twenty-Three: The Women

THE WOMEN

Starring:
-Meg Ryan
-Annette Bening
-Eva Mendes
-Debra Messing
-Jada Pinkett Smith
-Candice Bergen

Directed by: Diane English

Screenplay Credits: Diane English

MPAA Rating: PG-13


If you like movies where Jada Pinkett Smith is a lesbian and women beat themselves up over their cheating dog husbands, then by all means, Netflix this one. If you have a brain in your head, say “thanks but no thanks” and don’t waste your time.

THE WOMEN is a remake of the 1939 film of the same name, which was directed by George Cukor. If you simply must watch a movie entitled THE WOMEN, go straight for the ’39 version… there’s far less bitch slapping.

Anyway, the 2008 version is about Mary Haines, who lives in a fancy house out in Connecticut with her cheating dog husband Steven, their eleven year old daughter Molly, and a couple of women staff members. Mary has just discovered that her husband is cheating on her with some slutty young tramp he met in the city. She bumps into the slutty young tramp time and time again, and they battle, but she never seems to manage to come out on top. Mary whines to her friends about this before finally going to her mother, Candace Bergen, who is this film’s only redeeming quality. Bergen is in sole possession of the only even remotely clever, interesting lines. Still, she isn’t entirely perfect, as she encourages her daughter to keep quiet about Steven’s indiscretion and silently hope he sees the light and comes back to her.

This is bullcrap. This whole movie is bullcrap. Now, I’m extremely biased, because I am a strong woman with a strict no-tolerance policy. One strike and you are out, buddy. I say this with confidence, knowing that I am not (and never plan to be) a cheating dog, so naturally I expect the same from anybody I’m seeing. The fact that this woman lets this horrible man string her along, and make her feel like a worthless sack of crap is totally disgusting to me. Yes, they’ve been married several years. Yes, they have a child together. Betrayal is betrayal. And it's interesting to me that throughout the course of the film, Mary is so desperate to win back her husband that she neglects their daughter. Call me crazy, but that's just plain lousy parenting.

Being all about women, the film naturally addresses pettiness, along with other sources of betrayal, and at one point the main BFFs are in a pretty bad tiff themselves.

In short, imagine everything that women ever complain about or struggle with… now add opening and closing credits. Congratulations. You have just summed up this movie.

This is an all female cast, which is a gimmick that gets really, really old in the first act. THE WOMEN is 114 minutes of self-absorbed whining. In its quest to empower women, it fails horribly. Need to feel good about yourself, ladies? Watch WAITRESS, or 9 TO 5. If you want to watch an ensemble of catty women with decadent plot twists and hilarious dialogue, watch reruns of SEX AND THE CITY. But please, never, ever, ever watch this movie. Just don’t.

FINAL GRADE: D

Frankly, the only reason I didn’t flunk it out completely is, this one is slightly better than SUPER FUZZ. But only slightly.

Off in search of something better,

M.