SUPERFUZZ
Starring:
-Terence Hill
-Earnest Borgnine
Directed by: Sergio Corbucci
Screenplay Credits: Robert Brodie Booth, Sabatino Ciuffini, & Sergio Corbucci
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Ex-cop David Speed is about to face the electric chair for the murder of his friend, colleague, and superior officer Sergeant Dunlop. We learn that this is the fourth time the state has tried execute Speed. With each attempt, Speed manages to escape.
It’s flashback time and David – fresh from the police academy- has received his first assignment: looking into a parking ticket violation on an Indian Reservation. Little does he know, NASA has evacuated the reservation so that they can experiment with the controversial new “red plutonium” on the property.
The explosion of the plutonium knocks Speed to the ground and all his cop buddies assume he’s been killed. Speed wakes up and realizes that he’s been given special powers. He saves Earnest Borgnine from falling into an open manhole, simply by thinking about a cover appearing over the hole. Later, some burglars look like they’re going to rape old Earnest, but Speed punches through a door and saves him. Speed also sees elephants around corners, and he can see through walls and trucks. Strangely, the tired old gag in which the superhero peers through a woman’s clothes is not employed.
Speed’s got a boring girlfriend who couldn’t act to save her life. They’ve been snuggling on the beach watching some children play with a beach ball. When the kids lose control of the ball, Speed walks on water to fetch it back for them.
One really cute moment is when he’s standing at the kitchen counter. Only his bottom half is visible. His top half is obscured by an open cabinet door, in which is a poster of John Wayne’s torso. Cute.
A few dull things happen, then we see a Mario and Luigi type types who work for Tony Torpedo chasing after Speed, determined to end him. The viewer will find himself praying that the henchmen’s mission is successful.
Speed discovers that whenever he sees the color red, he loses his power. Speed confronts Torpedo about his smuggling ring, and counterfeit bills operation. Torpedo may be one of the dumbest evil villains in superhero mythology, as he only seems to counterfeit $1 bills. Not only that, he smuggles them around by sewing them into the bellies of dead fish. So, if you come across any fake looking ones that smell like halibut, odds are good that Tony Torpedo’s been up to his old tricks in your neighborhood.
Speed and Earnest stumble onto a ship, where they discover all the evidence they need to point the swift finger of Justice at Torpedo, but the bad guys knock Earnest in the head and throw him overboard.
Flashback over. Speed’s in the electric chair. He asks for a piece of bubble gum, but want it in his pocket instead of his mouth, claiming it’s for later. Naturally, Speed breaks out of the electric chair and bursts through the wall. He rushes to the aid of Earnest Borgnine (who by this point has been dead underwater for a pretty fair amount of time) and rescues him by blowing a giant bubble with the yellow chewing gum he’d been given. He gives Earnest some superhero mouth to mouth and Earnest pops back to this life, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and floating over the city on a giant piece of gum. Speed and Earnest manage to thwart the bad guys and Speed proves his innocence. Speed and his dull, horrible girlfriend get married. She doesn’t like the idea of living with his superpowers, so she’s dyed her hair red. It looks terrible, but worse than that it the corny “UH OH!” face Speed makes as he hams it up for the camera in the final shot.
The verdict? This is a terrible movie. Really. Just awful. The special effects are beyond lame; the acting is atrocious, cheesy, and stunted. You’ll find better work on one of the trashier daytime soap operas. The theme song (“supah, supaaaaah!”) is one of the most annoying things you may ever hear in your entire lifetime, and it simply won’t die. It’s played to death through the entire movie and it’s like a lice outbreak at Cousin ITT’s family reunion. Meaning, there’s nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
Coming in second for most annoying element of this film would be the stupid, unnecessary use of voiceovers. These benefit the film in now way. Rather, they simply demonstrate that the writers had no idea how to tell an effective story.
Believe it or not, this storyline could actually have potential, especially in today’s market where kids go stupid for anything with car chases, explosions, and superpowers. Still, the plot has more holes than a pair of fishnets, and the dialogue is so wooden you’ll consider going after your television with an axe. Although, if you really want to do the world a favor, you’ll find the people who made this movie and go after them with an axe. Not a real one. Just a plastic one. At any rate, someone ought to tell these folks to cover their moviemaking shame.
Overall grade? With no hesitation, I give it an F. And that’s me being generous.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Day Seven: SuperFuzz (aka SuperSnooper)
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